Home | Join! | Help | Browse | Forums | NuWorld | NWF | PoPo   
Royally
Saturday. 2.13.10 11:28 pm
Does the adverb "royally" ever describe any positive nouns, in this day and age? No? OK, then. I think I can leave it at that, and let your imagination take hold. That's right. Whatever you're thinking, it's probably what I mean. Within reason.

The main problem with me, other than my "fail at life" status, is thus: I am extremely good at pretending that I am happy. Pretending that nothing's wrong with me. I complain about the little things and smile with my voice and body, and it throws people off. I've become so good at it, and done it so consistently throughout my life, that I do it subconsciously now. I'm so good I can fool myself. In fact, the idea of me crying is almost beyond imagination, even to me, so I never do. That's the extent of my double thinking prowess. I'm that good. Nobody can make me cry.

Not my mom.

Not that girl.

Not all the woe and misery that my close friends share with me.

Just me. That's how much I suck.

It's not like I'm sad that the world is conspiring against me or anything. It's just a deep horror when I realize who I am. So, every now and then my unimaginable suckiness creeps up on me. And tonight was especially bad because it appears to have some real world consequences and not just local ones. And I was driving to get Sean from his girlfriend's house, and a song came on, and it was just one of those things where you dwell on sadness and then all of a sudden it's all around you, and you can't see through your tears, and driving becomes very dangerous.

-sigh-

So yeah. "You deserve a nice girl," she said. This is why I call bullshit. Not to offend, but you don't know me well enough to make such grand statements. Unless you were just paying me a casual compliment, in which case I say go ahead. I like when people are nice. It's nice.
11 Comments.


If someone opens a door for me at school,
I don't smack that person with a skillet.
» Unicornasaurus on 2010-02-14 12:55:34

Never said it was!
» Unicornasaurus on 2010-02-14 03:55:22

i don't remember where she lives. And that would be really awkward. :/
» acidbathx on 2010-02-14 04:18:28

i just read your post.
"to be yourself is all that you can dooooo"

audioslave b'.'d

no more pretending. you're headed to college soon. make a new life for yourself! you have a lot to look forward to! :)
» acidbathx on 2010-02-14 04:22:46

i suppose so!
» acidbathx on 2010-02-14 04:23:20

Stevo...
Unfortunately, I know exactly what you mean.

And exactly what is it about who you are that bothers you so much? Because as far as I know, you're stevo and you're pretty great...but alas the internet is only so good at communicating.

If you wanna talk more you know where to find me.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2010-02-14 11:31:31

Is that really how you spell it. Oh my god...why am I so stupid. For all these years, I really thought it had a "w" in it for some reason.
» The-Muffin-Man on 2010-02-15 08:21:30

Reading this makes me feel like I'm reading my own thoughts some times man. Theres a certain loneliness that I too experience that leaves me feeling like I've got the entire world fooled into thinking I'm content or happy or whatever when in actuality I'm anything but. Gift and a curse I suppose
» Dilated on 2010-02-17 10:40:53

Wait, are you abstaining till marriage?
» The-Muffin-Man on 2010-02-18 02:10:06

Re: Even almost three hours away from home, his death kind of cast an uneasy feeling for me and those here who knew him. I can't imagine how much worse it is for those back home with the arrangements to be carried out this weekend.

Not Re: I psyched myself out of what bothered me too. I've had those days when I get into my car, decide on the less populated way home, and halfway through the drive, yell my lungs out. But this isn't a "I know how you feel" message, it's meant to be a hand on your shoulder. I'm trying to think of something encouraging but I'll settle for saying that there's a certain refreshment from going from pretending to actual happiness. And I'd say it feels as though your life is turned around. That the drastic reverse is well worth beholding.
» yourcupoftea on 2010-02-18 04:53:10

I consider, that you commit an error.
It is remarkable, very valuable message buy tramadol online Very useful phrase buy adipex online It is a valuable piece order xanax Bravo, is simply excellent idea paxil online Matchless topic, it is pleasant to me)))) buy ativan bc5f1d
» Edmond (201.20.18.165) on 2010-08-28 04:54:17

Name.

URL.

[to enter your email, use "mailto:youremail@domain.com"]
Subject.

Comment.

Word verification.

Copy the first 4 characters only.

If you are a member, try logging in again or accessing this page here.

middaymoon's Weblog Site • NuTang.com

NuTang is the first web site to implement PPGY Technology. This page was generated in 0.251seconds.

  Send to a friend on AIM | Set as Homepage | Bookmark Home | NuTang Collage | Terms of Service & Privacy Policy | Link to Us | Monthly Top 10s
All content © Copyright 2003-2047 NuTang.com and respective members. Contact us at NuTang[AT]gmail.com.